Being a Mom is one of the most difficult jobs you can do. It‘s both physically and emotionally draining, it never stops and pays badly. You don‘t have a weekend to take a rest or a holiday, that you can go to, leaving every problem behind. And the worst thing about it is that everybody seems to know better what you should do. If this was about, what Mom really don‘t need, the first item on the list would have been unsolicited advice. So while others would tell you, what you ABSOLUTELY NEED TO DO, we advise you to nod politely and focus on the following things:
1. Sleep and rest
There are a few things you can do to help yourself, no matter if you are in the third trimester and have to pee every 15 min, which makes sleeping difficult, or have a baby which makes it close to impossible.
- Sleep when your baby sleeps: you probably heard that one, but it will never be repeated enough. When your baby falls asleep - go to sleep. Don‘t do laundry, clean or do scroll phone. Just go to sleep, once you take some rest you can do something.
- Yoga Nidra: Having a child is often very intense. And it‘s not easy to process. Yoga Nidra is a type of yoga purely focused on relaxation, it requires from you no movement at all. You just lie down and... that‘s it! You can find 15 min videos on youtube.
- Mindfulness: Peace of mind is often a state of mind. The concept of mindfulness tells us to find meditation... everywhere. However, with a baby (or more) at home, it doesn‘t seem so easy to find a quiet mind. Whenever you are doing something like washing dishes, nursing or maybe walking the dog, just focus on your breath and try to practice and enjoy those little moments of meditation.
2. Nutritious food
Nothing is impacting your mood as much as what you are eating. Although often neglected by medicine, the diet has a huge impact on our health, good mood and well-being. I would like to avoid the word „diet“ here. You should not under any circumstances feel bad about anything you need. You are a mother and what your body tells you to eat - eat it. You don‘t need to „get your body back“. But you do need healthy food to feel good. And, especially if you are nursing, you need a lot of it.
- Cook in bulk and freeze: To make sure, that you will have always something good and healthy to eat, so you don‘t need to turn to junk food is to cook large quantities and then freeze most of it. It will not lose any taste.
- Ask guests to bring you food instead of presents for the baby: You probably need it more, than another toy.
3. Safety net
No matter how happy you are right now, motherhood is full of ups and downs. And while ups are amazing, the low moments can get very low and very lonely. They don't say, that it takes a village to raise a child for no reason. Being often away from our families and old friends or simply being the only one with a child among friends, we lose a safety net - a community, that supports us and understand us.
And while it’s sometimes heartbreaking, pregnancy and motherhood make some friendships stronger, but some of them break. Or pauses. Still, finding community and friends can be hard, especially if you are an expat or during lockdown.
- Look online. There are so many places you can find friends in your city online. If you are interested in Mom’s communities, just write us an email - we will reply.
- Remember, that your mental health is extremely important for the well-being of your family. And things can get out of control quite quickly. If you are feeling very down, very lonely and more and more hopeless and helpless - seek help. Do not neglect it.
4. Confidence
It’s your child or your pregnancy. Of course! However at the begging, when people told me, that “Mom knows best, what’s good!” I wanted to scream. This was my first child and I was clueless! But now I think it was the best possible answer because while you might not be sure about everything or be confused you need to develop some confidence.
- Find a single source of truth. For everything, baby-related you can find 10 articles pro and another 10 articles contra. Nursing, BLW, sleeping, carrying... Everything is complex, individual and everyone has a different opinion about it. At some point, you find your way and just pick one platform or person (maybe your Mom?) and stick to it.
- Unsolicited advice is usually a sign of care and love. At least your life will be easier and nicer if you look at it like this. If somebody is flooding you with advice and tells you things you MUST/MUSTN’T do, see it as love. And from this perspective just say “Thank you” to this person (maybe your Mom?) and unless they are your source of truth, just forget what they just told you.
5. Pockets
Wolf Mothers were founded to support mothers and fight patriarchy. Our way of doing this is making clothes with pockets. This might seem silly next to other points, but good gear makes any job easier. And doing this extremely under-appreciated, underpaid (understatement) and versatile (from constant research to cleaning and cooking) job you need clothes, that
- Make breastfeeding easy, so you can nurse wherever you want as long as you want
- Have really big pockets, that could at least fit your phone, but also tissues, spoon, pacifier, at least one random toy, keys... I could go on
- Are from not only durable materials but also natural and safe for your baby’s skin, which they are touching a lot!
- Have dark colours, so you don’t have to wash them after any amount of milk, food, mud, grass or whatever your child is playing with lands on them - Put on a white T-shirt and just set the timer on, after how many seconds you have to put it into the washing machine
- Have a great design and make you look amazing
This all seems easy, but it isn’t. We expect so much from ourselves, that we forget about what’s important. And that’s your well being as a Mom. As long as you feel healthy, happy and safe your family thrive. You are not doing your child any favour by sacrificing yourself. If you have to choose between doing something for yourself and doing something, that you hate - for your child! Don’t do it. Trust me, you doing your job very, very well. You are the best Mom for your child! I hope some advice here is useful for you!
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